Posts Tagged ‘ religion ’

When It All Began

So where did it all come from?

I’m not talking about how boiled egg was discovered because that is one of the wonders of the world; whoever was watching a chicken lay something oval, boiled it and ate it must have a very good reason not to walk his continent naked. Though a chicken is involved in the story on the long run, it’s not solely about it. There are different world views about how the world came to being and how the whole complexity of human existence was birthed. Simplistic as it may sound, it could make for good humour or deep thought; both of which are worthless on the long run. I just had so much fallow period in my hand that I looked into it. Let’s go back to the beginning.

I’m from the world view that believes in Genesis 1:1. Simple at. Other religions hold their beliefs and the humorous part was the one that came to my head in a very inappropriate time this morning; NO, not in the toilet, a very inappropriate place for thinking about things like that. The most indefinitive and infinitely flawed explanation is the ones used by the free thinkers; the big bang theory. Who and what was banging what and who? It’s strange but every human in this world have a right to hold on to their idiocy/belief. Big bang, it even sounds like the title of some Japanese interracial gay porn.

I was talking about the humorous one when the big theory almost banged (beat) my head. It’s the one my teacher (bless his soul; not sure if he’s alive though) explained: My Yoruba teacher. The story of how Oduduwa (that’s his name. Awesome) was sent to the world hanging down from a chain from heaven like Sylvester Stallone in his Rambo days holding the most valuable things he could bring from heaven. It wasn’t his blackberry and carton of beer, it was a chicken (yeah, the egg laying creature), a measure of sand (handful of sand in snail shell according to legends) and a palm kernel seed (yeah, I know).

Oduduwa came down the chain with the theme song of an action film (gen gen), holding the polybag/Ghana-must-go of the three most valuable items ever that he was holding; how else do they wanna explain someone coming down on a chain holding three items, it won’t be in one hand obviously. So the man saw that there was water all across the face of the earth, big deal, he already had genetically improved sand (yes) in his hand and as he neared the end of the chain, he poured the handful down on the waters and the thing stood (remember they were genetically improved). Next action was set for the avian. It used its feet to spread the sand across the face of the water. Seriously, it’s like the most awesome piece of myth ever! Then the big guy Oduduwa still hung on the chain. Bad guy. The chicken spread what he could and probably died after forming the continents; hence why we have oceans. Perfecto!

The next item on the mandate given to the man was palm kernel. He dropped down and told the person holding chain up there to fuck off. That one angrily took away the chain; else Nigerian government would have deregulated that upstream/downstream sector. Then he planted palm kernel in strategic locations, the reason he skipped Malaysia is still an issue the jury is out on. So palm is technically the first plant to grow on the earth. Now that was the end of season 1 and I got to JSS2 and didn’t get to know the sequel. So I just assume the dude was lonely and a chic was dropped for him and they had kids. Then the chicken was found, resuscitated it laid an egg. Then things morph and weather conditions made cows and snakes out of chicken eggs. Now we know Oduduwa was the first guy to see egg from a chicken arse and thought it would be tasty when cooked.

Hilarious in totality and leaves so much space for liver damaging laughter. How on earth do you come down via chain, or get genetically engineered sand before planting palm seeds that now morphed to create all other plant form. Don’t ask more because I have no idea. It was just hilarious to me as a kid and remembering it in church today just made me laugh out loud on the inside (with a straight face on the outside). I apologise to you people that believe the whole Oduduwa mythology; not for my slander, but for your ‘intelligence’. Dude on chain with chicken, sand and palm kernel; Epic.

So to my final question, who is finer, Halle Berry or Rita Dominic?

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