Archive for October, 2013

The Rebellious Life Of A Flying Fish

I wanted to start writing this but, for some reasons I can’t explain, finding my pen eluded me and led me to a frantic ‘needle in a haystack’ search; which would uncover a lot of discoveries. Unnecessary discoveries. I stumbled on things I had no idea were still in my possession; souvenirs of a more decadent and wasteful past, reminders of when I was young and rather foolish like a lot of people still are in this boiling cauldron called life. A lot of dusty items made me realise that the dustbin rightly deserved them more than my wardrobe did. Dustbins live unappreciated and undervalued lives. ‘Searching’ can be a bastard, but the cleanliness after could be priceless: This is a subjective opinion.

How the only pen I had got lost in my little house, or how a grown man can have only one red inked pen in his possession is inexcusable and almost irrational. The fine art of pen location control is a skill I’m yet to posses. Seen at last, between the bed and the wall; joint conspiracy it seems. I would have been forced to borrow from the next door but it might mean owing favours, which I frankly frown at. I like to believe you owe nobody and nobody owes you. I’m quite bullish about that too.

Fishes don’t need to fly. It’s debatable whether they fall from the skies or not; I know they do, but there is a gap between what I know to be true and what is provable. I used to believe goats grow to become cows and with every person that knew my in my early years, I get reminded of a ridiculous statement I made about seeing a cow eating sand. I was like 5 years old and I saw a goat eating on a refuse dump. In hindsight, maybe I was right. I believed a lot of things.

The moon used to follow me as my personal halo back then, as it shined its light on my little head. Now I realise the moon neither followed me nor does it shine any light of its own. Quite a big let-down when my almost inhumane diminutive geography teacher ingloriously revealed that the moon only reflects the awesomeness of the sun. I lost a bit sense of admiration because, like some people, it just feeds off the light of others. But it does enough to get the job done quite frankly.

This is nothing new.

Everyday I look back to the previous day and realise how much I’ve learnt. With every ‘yesterday’ I examine, I realise I was naïve and could have done better; that is the beauty of daily learning. Every year I look back into the previous year and realise all the mistakes a life contained that, given the opportunity, I shouldn’t make again. Every person you meet influence you in a way and magnitude you allow, then you begin to realise just how small an experience could change your view. With every passing minute I learn new things and I unlearn a few old things. The more some things change, the more some remain the same; defiantly some things won’t change, things like my faith in God, my love for football and my sexual orientation.

I’m happy I was born, on the last day of the tenth month in the year of our Lord to an awesome family. Shame all of us can’t be born on the same day, you would’ve understood why I’m so lucky to have that date. Each day I remember things I used to believe and do not believe anymore, or things I now hold in esteem that I never gave a thought before now. The inane pleasures I thought I would never indulge in but now do, the things I plan to do that I cannot even remember. I eat more, sleep less, love more, trust less, seen more, and speak less. A little chaos within, so I can birth a dancing star.

It’s my birthday by the way. And this is my life, hardly what it was before. With each October thirty first that comes I thankfully realise one thing, I have grown. I have changed, my preference in movies, food, drink, clothes and women have changed; subtle at best, dramatic at worst. I now hate some songs I used to like and I now listen to jazz and classical music. I’m neither afraid nor ashamed to be the person that I am today.

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